proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
