My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
