I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
