I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
