Someone shit on the floor
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
