I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
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