Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Every concussion has its silver lining
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
