You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
