you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
