Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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