It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I said "one day" and that day is not today
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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