the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You dont lie about slip and slides
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
