I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
