Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
