it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I have fence marks all over my body
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
