whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
