you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
