Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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