so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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