Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
