i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
When are your genitals available?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
