you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
