I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
