I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
