i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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