i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
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