It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
