Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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