Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
