the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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