I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
