is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
