She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Michael Bay diarrhea
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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