there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
