I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
