Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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