If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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