I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
