Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
