i just wanna soil my oats bro
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
