Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
