i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
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