I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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