i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
