is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
you never un-have a 4some
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
