Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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