all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
