Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
