i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I love you. Go after that dick
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
