Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
