alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
