Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
