if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
