in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
