I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
