How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
