she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
