Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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