I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
