Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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