3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
