My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
