How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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