i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
