Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
