You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
