whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
