Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize