she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
