The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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