Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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