Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
