i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
