Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
